A New Year, Many New Things To Come

A lot of people have been asking me if I'm okay, in reference to my previous post.
I'm great, I just had some stuff I needed to get off my chest.
Just to clarify- that wasn't about any one girl in particular, that was a lot of stuff that I've dealt with and done over the past several years, including the time before I knew Christ.
It was about several girls.
Every girl I've ever encountered, to be completely honest.
I think the reason that post shocked so many people is because we try to always act like we're okay; like we've got all our ducks in a row, and that every thing's under control.
I mean, that's what society tells us to do.
Especially as men, society has twisted our role as loving leaders to mean that we have to always act like we've got a plan, like we're going to fix everything and make it alright.
Just like women, we men face the albeit less damaging but still dangerous stereotypes that the media and society has told us we have to be.
They tell us we have to be the big strong dad that's always got the suit, tie and briefcase during the week, going to the office everyday to provide for and support the family, and over the weekend we don our jeans, flannel shirt and tool belt to go around the house with our honey-do lists fixing everything- making everything safer, more stable and generally better.
All of this is fine, until we start to obsess over these stereotypes and put every ounce of our being into fulfilling or even epitomizing these roles that we've been told our entire lives that we have to be.
And when we make it known that not everything is perfect, that we're not these big strong I-can-do-anything men, everyone goes into a panic.
This in addition to the fact that I'm not usually the serious guy.
I know good and well that I try to fulfill the role of the comic relief.
Whenever there's an awkward moment or something happens that I can't deal with, I try to laugh it off.
Or at least make everyone else laugh to try and cover up and distract them from the fact that I have no other defense against difficulty or emotions.
I'm always the guy that's in the back of the room at "cry-fest" on project serve that's joking it up or sleeping to distract myself from the people bearing their souls to each other because I don't know what I'd do if I let it get to me.
If I actually took the time to come up with a new year's resolution and stick with it, I guess it would be to be more honest, more real with people.
As I realize how much I value honesty in others, I realize more and more that I'm most certainly lacking in that department, because I'm afraid of what people might think of me, if they saw who I really was.
I use sarcasm and inappropriate humor to build these walls in between myself and my loved ones because I'm afraid of being rejected.
So I guess this year, I'll try to be more real with people.
And this will also reflect onto my blog.
I know those who have been following my blog (which is way more people than I initially thought, by the way) have enjoyed hearing about all the crazy things that happen to me everyday.
my stories about weird creepy old Latina ladies in Buicks and my mom's recent obsession with The Gorillaz, but from now on, my posts and my conversation in general will take a more serious tone.
I'll be more up-front with people about what's really going on inside my head and what God's telling me.
Don't fret, I'll still have crazy stuff happening to me that wouldn't in a million years happen to anyone else on the planet, and I'll post that stuff on here, but when God's really telling me something, I'll set down my stupid Americanized manly pride and be straight with you.
Well, per usual, I typed about thirty times more than I had originally anticipated, but it's whatever.
That's what happens on here.
I start writing and stuff just pours out.
I'm not sure if people even finish reading the stuff I post on here, because it's so long.
Haha.
Whatever, dude.
I got a bunch of crap to do for school tomorrow that I should have been doing over the entire break, but I put the "pro" in procrastinate...yeah, that was a really crappy joke, I know.
Buenas noches, amigos.